There’s a misconception I see all the time, especially during hard seasons:
That joy means ignoring reality.
That joy is inappropriate when things hurt.
That choosing joy somehow invalidates grief, fear, or anger.
But research, lived experience, and the nervous system all say the same thing:
Joy is not the opposite of pain.
It is one of the ways we survive it.
The Science of Coexisting Emotions
Psychological research shows that humans can experience mixed emotions, and that doing so is not a weakness but a strength.
Barbara Fredrickson’s Broaden-and-Build Theory explains that positive emotions expand our mental and emotional capacity. When we feel even small moments of joy:
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Our thinking becomes more flexible
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Our stress response softens
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We recover faster from emotional strain
This doesn’t mean pain disappears.
It means we have more internal resources to meet it.
Joy and the Nervous System
From a nervous system perspective, joy acts as a regulating signal.
Small experiences of joy activate the parasympathetic nervous system, helping the body move out of fight-or-flight and into a state of safety.
That’s why joy often looks very small in hard seasons:
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Warm coffee
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A shared laugh
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A walk outside
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A moment of stillness
These are not trivial.
They are biological support.
Joy Is Not Toxic Positivity
Let’s be clear: joy is not pretending everything is okay.
Toxic positivity says: “Just be happy.”
Joy says: “I see how hard this is. Let’s find one thing that helps you breathe.”
Joy does not replace grief.
It prevents grief from becoming the only place you live.
Three Research-Backed Ways to Practice Joy in Hard Times
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Affect Labeling
Studies show that naming emotions reduces their intensity.
Try saying:
“I feel angry and sad, and I’m allowed a moment of joy too.” -
Micro-Joy Rituals
Research shows small positive experiences have cumulative effects.
Create daily joy anchors that take less than five minutes. -
Social Joy
Connection releases oxytocin, which buffers stress.
Joy multiplies when shared.
Final Thought
Joy is not fragile.
It doesn’t shatter in the presence of pain.
It stands beside it.
And in difficult times, that steadiness matters more than ever.
Joy is a strategy. Use it.
Have Fun. Live Well. ENJOY!